“Writing is medicine, it is an appropriate antidote to injury. It is an appropriate companion for any difficult change.”
From as far back as I can remember, I’ve always identified as a “writer.” When my identity was shattered and I didn’t have a clue who I was, I knew that I was a writer. That’s the only thing that has stuck with me for all of these years. Over the last seven years I have filled up countless, and I mean countless, notebooks with anything and everything spiritual. You name it, I’ve read it and wrote about it. During my second spiritual experience (soon to be on my blog), God spoke directly to me, loud and clear, and finally gave me my purpose for this life I’ve lived. He not only told me that I’m a light worker, but I was sent here to heal others and assist in the awakening of others with my writing. For YEARS I have contemplated starting a blog, I even did a couple times, but was soon burnt out on the topics I was choosing. Mental Illness was the subject of one blog and I felt confident in choosing that to write about because I had so much experience with it. It, too, was short lived. The tug on my heart to write publicly has always been there though. I knew I had a voice to be heard and it was frustrating that I couldn’t make it work…and then I had these two spiritual experiences/awakenings that gave me instant clarity. God was setting aside these last seven years strictly for me to study, learn and grow so when I DID get to sit down and write, the words would flow effortlessly and in turn, be more effective for healing.
There’s something about having a pen in my hand and a brand new piece of paper. There’s no moment quite as refreshing as when you’re searching your internal word bank for the perfect word to describe something and a light bulb goes off and here is this word, you don’t know where it came from, but it fits perfectly into the sentence. Words have the power to do damage, but they have dual power; they can also heal. Most of my healing has come from putting words to paper, extracting my inner most, darkest thoughts and releasing them into the universe. An excerpt from an entry of mine:
“It’s almost as if the word “writing” came to life, and I felt in complete alignment with the word. You mean to tell me I can become successful doing something I’m absolutely passionate about? No freakin way! How freakin amazing is that?”
Imagine crawling through life with your eyes closed, no purpose, no ambition, nothing, for THIRTY ONE years…Just this lost, grownup child with zero desire. Misery is the word to sum that up. Despair. Emptiness and longing. Then, one day, God see’s that you’ve had enough and you’re on the verge of throwing in the towel when BOOM, you’ve just been handed purpose on a silver platter, a very clear statement as to what you were born to do. Unless you have experienced what I’m talking about, unless your mind has been expanded through your openness and willingness, you might be unable to wake up to the truth that I’m speaking.
We all have a purpose and it is God’s intention and deepest desire that our eyes be opened to the facts, unfortunately a lot of people stay in a deep slumber, too afraid to do what it takes to evolve their soul. It is indeed a journey not for the faint hearted, but it takes strength, stamina and a TON of willingness and honesty. Unless you whole heartedly crave change and seek after the truth, YOUR TRUTH, you will never allow yourself to be bare enough or vulnerable enough to accept anything new into your soul. It was through life shattering circumstances and deep despair that I completely tore down and removed all the layers of myself that had been built up in my lifetime, and I laid in my room for days completely, completely vulnerable and willing to change my perspective at any cost. I had to be willing to let go of EVERYTHING. My hopes, dreams, plans, etc. In the very moment I did that, I was showered with clarity and wisdom. My peace surpassed all understanding. It’s not a one and done deal though. That’s what I thought at first. I really thought that God had done all the hard work in that instant and I was healed. Wrong. That thinking got me right back to where I started. It started with a negative thought here and another one over there somewhere, then it turned into the thoughts getting closer together and starting to show throw my attitude and actions. Before I knew it, I had completely abandoned my new way of being. It was easier to convert back to the ways I was comfortable with instead of focusing on being consciously aware of my thoughts and putting effort in to maintaining the positive ones. Everything starts with a thought. I can not stress the importance of this. Thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become reality and there isn’t a statement any truer than that.
When you’re down and out its extremely difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel, trust me, I understand. Believe me when I say say, though, there is obtainable light at the end of the tunnel. Acceptance is key. Expectations are a NO NO. Belief is a requirement. The time to wake up, heal yourself and walk in your purpose is now. And then, after you heal yourself, heal someone else because I promise that if you’ve made it this far, you’ve got all the tools you could ever need PLUS plenty to extend to others. We forget the ultimate goal…a simple four letter word has the power to change the world, literally speaking. Love. The journey has to start with you on a mission to obtain self-love, though, because you can’t truly love others if you don’t first have a genuine love for yourself.